It pains me to block ladies. Women need to support each other.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 8, 2019:

I guess I am different than you because I have blocked 16 people so far, both men and women as I believe in equal opportunity, and probably have been blocked by just as many, maybe more. I don't lose any sleep over either of those situations. I have strong opinions and I state them without mincing ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 8, 2019:

@Matias I blocked very few people the first year or so I was on here, but nowadays I am on here about every day, so I'm making up for lost time,lol...You've been on here about the same amount of time as me and need to pick up the pace, lol....

It pains me to block ladies. Women need to support each other.

maturin1919 comments on Jun 8, 2019:

I don't understand the imperative to do so. Shitty people come in all sexes and genders. I feel no need to support someone simply because they are a match between the legs or ears.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 8, 2019:

I fully agree. As a progressive and socialist, I got so sick of all the liberal women who supported Hillary over Bernie in the 2016 primaries, even tho they agreed way more with Bernie's policies and knew he was a true progressive rather than a corrupt centrist like Hillary, but they supported her anyway out of gender solidarity and their intense desire to see a woman be prez. We all know how that worked out and it disgusted me. I will not blindly vote or make all my choices or judgements based on gender or gender solidarity. Character should always count more than gender.

I’m watching The Lobster on Netflix.

tinkercreek comments on Jun 7, 2019:

I thought it was GREAT - not so good for my (first) date, who was cringing and nearly cowering through it . . . yeah, also last date.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 8, 2019:

@273kelvin Yes I do! That is very funny and such an extreme, same as Woody giving Diane Keaton his copy of the book The Denial Of Death as soon as they begin dating. Not exactly what would be my or any other man's move at that point, or any other time in my case.

Joan Baez. [youtu.be]

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 8, 2019:

This is such an achingly beautiful, haunting personal song. It was her only real hit, and I sometimes sing it at karaoke. I like to genderbend sometimes and the song's key works perfectly for my baritone voice singing it a few octaves down from Baez. Crowds always seem to really relate to the song ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 8, 2019:

@happyhiker1 You're welcome. It's my pleasure.

Does anyone else hate the phrase "I love you" ?

kasmian comments on Jun 8, 2019:

Sounds like you had some pretty shitty experiences... Best I can say is that compliments and saying you love someone is not something you say out of nowhere unless you have alternative intentions. Compliments are usually a way to show you appreciate something about someone and, if you love someone, ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 8, 2019:

I agree. You seem to be treating these common expressions very harshly and that is probably based on bad experiences. I tend to think that most people who say I love you and give compliments say those things sincerely and are good hearted. I am cynical about a lot of things, but I do believe those particular things are true.

Happy Pride Peeps💓💓💓

Cutiebeauty comments on Jun 8, 2019:

Appearance is a choice... Imo... To a certain extent.... 😋

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 8, 2019:

Agreed, to an extent, it is in the person's control. For example, to get tats or not. To wear makeup or not. How or whether to have facial hair. Type of haircut or hairstyle. But the basic stuff of body type and facial structure and attractiveness, no, not without cosmetic surgery that is not affordable to the average person, at least not in the US. And certainly not available to the poor. Also, how you dress affects appearance and that is mostly a choice and also a matter of awareness of how certain clothes look on you. Men are notoriously clueless about this unless they are gay, lol...

I’m watching The Lobster on Netflix.

tinkercreek comments on Jun 7, 2019:

I thought it was GREAT - not so good for my (first) date, who was cringing and nearly cowering through it . . . yeah, also last date.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 8, 2019:

You're like me, a bit of an odd bird, but in a good way. I remember back in the early 90s when I had a first date with a woman from a voice personal ad (remember those?) . We both wanted to see The Shawshank Redemption, showing that neither of us were mainstream or shallow, so we went, even tho few people would choose a movie like that for a first date or meeting. We both really enjoyed the film, but on the way into the movie she actually was honest and kind enough to tell me that she was not attracted to me after meeting me. If only most women were like that. I guess she must have sensed that I was safe and kind even if she was a 9, the only one I have ever met in person thru dating. We proceeded to have a really good friendship for two years before she moved away and then I met my wife about a year after that. I really enjoyed my time with her as I had someone to spend time doing things we both enjoyed. I continued to look for someone to date, but it sort of took some of the pressure off me to find a girlfriend, since all I was missing was the sex and romance. As for The Lobster, I actually saw that with my father when it came out and, tho it was very dark and strange, I enjoyed it and he sort of did too, which surprised me, even tho it was very dark. It was also kind of funny and was a smart satire on societal conventions and norms of dating and mating. I think my father liked that part of it because he was a thinker and enjoyed movies that were intellectual. I agree with you tho, I would not risk that as a first or early date movie. Too bad you don't live in my area. I would have had a different reaction to it and we could have had a great discussion about it.

Columbine High may be torn down. It inspires mass shooters.

bobwjr comments on Jun 7, 2019:

Sick

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 7, 2019:

But not surprising to me at all in the sick culture of the US.

R.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 7, 2019:

Wow, that had to be such an experience! To me Lou Reed was always the man and I never got to see him live. In fact, he only played one Iowa concert in his life, and I was way too young at the time, back in the early 70s or so.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 7, 2019:

@FrostyJim Sounds about right, that may have been what I was referring to. I was in junior high, couldn't drive yet, no way I could have gone to that.

My father died today.

RRRR comments on Jun 7, 2019:

I'm so sorry for your losses. Growing up in Iowa, I realize where you are coming from. My siblings do not accept me because of my beliefs (freethinking and progressive politics). I have finally learned it is always going to be that way. Doesn't matter, I have created a new family through my ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 7, 2019:

You take the words right out of my mouth! I have said for a long time that my longtime friends have really replaced my family for most of my adult life and most people here in Iowa, where family and kids are everything and few people will trust and like you, besides my friends, if you don't bow to and buy into that. Being Agnostic, a hipster, childless by choice, a non-drinker, hating country music, and a socialist, you are familiar enough to see why I got very lucky to have met my late wife and how trying to date here in Iowa at my age is a fucking nightmare. No wonder I need a therapist, with that along with my late wife's dementia and death. I'm glad I have this site because where I live almost nobody but my friends and people on this site seem to get it and understand my situation. I am very much an outsider where I live. I really wish I had more strength or didn't need my friends so badly, or I would just leave my area for somewhere better for someone offbeat like me and start over, but I'm afraid that if I did that or tried LD dating for a while with someone and it didn't work out, that, like you with your family drama around your father's death, that it might do me in, at least mentally, if either LD dating or moving somewhere better for a better dating pool, didn't work out.

What do you look for in a man or a woman if you want a long term relationship, and whats more ...

Bobbyzen comments on Jun 6, 2019:

Neither looks, ambition nor money are the measure of a person. Are they kind? Do they treat all people with respect and honor them, regardless of class or color? We are inculcated with the value that the more people earn and own, the more worthy they are of respect. We’ve internalized these ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 7, 2019:

I totally agree with you, but then again I'm a socialist. I think people who thing like us about materialism and wealth mattering more than kindness are unfortunately a small minority in America where greed is good and people are judged by their wealth or lack of it as to their value as human beings.

There are points in your life where you make decisions.

COGITOERGOSUM comments on Jun 4, 2019:

Regrets, you have **a few**? You are lucky, my friend. I have **a lot**! But, please, forgive me for not sharing them publicly, 99% of them are just too personal/private for that.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 6, 2019:

@COGITOERGOSUM I guess you'll have to have enough optimism for both of us about the future girlfriend, since right now I have almost none.

Any advice?

MissKathleen comments on Jun 5, 2019:

Learn to be enough...alone. Get affection (not sex) from your friends and family...it’s okay to tell people you love that you need a good long hug. Humans need physical contact, so ask for it appropriately. (Most people who are sex addicts are really affection-starved, but they do not know...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 6, 2019:

@MissKathleen You are wrong. I am trying to find connection and use support from my friends. Your judgement of me is irrelevant to me and you are wrong about my attitude. I have been in counselling for a while with someone who has been practicing 30 years and I think she knows a bit more than you. I am tired of your continued criticism of me on the boards for a while now. How in the hell do you know me well enough or know enough about what I do in my personal life enough to assume that I am not working at being happy or adding connection to my life? You have a very arrogant attitude towards others. Enjoy the block.

What are some reasons you are afraid to commit?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 6, 2019:

I can tell you, Jama, that you are very different than the women your age in my local area, even tho we are both in the Midwest. The women my age, about ten to twenty years older than you on Match, are almost all so damned family-oriented that they would ostracize you for a remark like yours about ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Ok then. I had always heard that Buffalo was considered upstate. I guess that's why my late wife was so cool and an atheist.

What are some reasons you are afraid to commit?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 6, 2019:

I can tell you, Jama, that you are very different than the women your age in my local area, even tho we are both in the Midwest. The women my age, about ten to twenty years older than you on Match, are almost all so damned family-oriented that they would ostracize you for a remark like yours about ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist My late wife was from upstate NY, Buffalo, to be precise, and she was a perfect match for me, so they're not all that way there. By the same token, I am very different than the usual backward, narrow-minded, uneducated Iowan.

What are some reasons you are afraid to commit?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 6, 2019:

I can tell you, Jama, that you are very different than the women your age in my local area, even tho we are both in the Midwest. The women my age, about ten to twenty years older than you on Match, are almost all so damned family-oriented that they would ostracize you for a remark like yours about ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 6, 2019:

@Jama765 Once again, your statements are so different than the vast majority of women my age on Match in Iowa. They seem, in their profile essays, to be saying two things about family to the men on the site. One, they seem to be stiff-arming, like in football, the men to back off and give them plenty of space and time to enjoy and connect with their adult kids and grandkids rather than spend most of their free time with the men they meet from Match as a couple getting to know each other and nurturing the relationship. Maybe that's because most men on dating sites are too aggressive with women they meet and too selfish or demanding of these women about spending couple time alone instead of around the woman's family, I don't know. But they seem to be sending a clear signal in their profile essays that " My family does and always will come first, you will always be second or even less in my life and my time priorities" Which leaves guys like me who don't have kids, wondering why are they even on a dating site then. Second, they leave guys like me feeling like rather than seeking a man to date and spend a reasonable amount of their time as a couple getting to know each other alone and nurturing the relationship, as you say, during the first several dates or months after meeting, instead they give or seem to be sending the message that what they are really looking for on the dating site is an escort for all their family visits to their adult kids and grandkids, including visits to family with the man as soon as they begin dating so they can audition the man with their family to see if he likes kids and can get along with their adult kids, etc. No wonder I get about zero interest from these Midwest farmer's daughter types on Match in Iowa because the above appears to what they want and they are so damned family-oriented or, more likely, as they say in therapy, they are emeshed with their family in an unhealthy way. But that just seems to be a Midwest thing in states like Iowa and Indiana, that everyone has kids and family is everything. No wonder almost all the women I see on Match indicate in their profiles that they are only interested in dating men who have kids and like kids, even if the woman doesn't have any of her own or her kids are all grown and out of the home. It seems you just can't win in the dating game if you live in the Midwest and are childless by choice as well as a non-believing hipster who hates country music. We are so offbeat and there are so few of us. Strong, independent women who have and seek a healthy balance in their life of female friends, family, and a partner are like trying to find a unicorn, at least in the Midwest. They only exist in transplants who come from other parts of the country, like my late wife, who grew up in ...

There are points in your life where you make decisions.

COGITOERGOSUM comments on Jun 4, 2019:

Regrets, you have **a few**? You are lucky, my friend. I have **a lot**! But, please, forgive me for not sharing them publicly, 99% of them are just too personal/private for that.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 6, 2019:

@COGITOERGOSUM Much as I would enjoy meeting you, I don't think it will happen. I am estranged from my siblings, for good and healthy reasons. My brother's wife is a very sweet and nice woman, but my brother is not. He really doesn't want a relationship with me and hasn't for many years, even tho we get along ok when we have seen each other such as visits to my father when we were both present or at my mother's funeral, etc. But over the years I got tired of his pretending to want contact when in reality it was just to please my father and keep up appearances. I demand that my relationships with friends and family are either going to be "clean", as they say in therapy, and authentic or not continue. If they aren't then they aren't good for me or worth my time and effort.

Any advice?

MissKathleen comments on Jun 5, 2019:

Learn to be enough...alone. Get affection (not sex) from your friends and family...it’s okay to tell people you love that you need a good long hug. Humans need physical contact, so ask for it appropriately. (Most people who are sex addicts are really affection-starved, but they do not know...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

That sounds nice and would work for most people. But my parents are now both dead, I am estranged, for good and healthy reasons, from my siblings, have no children, nieces or nephews around (those that I do have live far away and are are now in their 20s) and my friends are not really affectionate, at least not at our current age. And my friends are all married BTW. I am really not interested in volunteering anywhere. So what would you have me do?

Today would have been our 15th wedding anniversary.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 5, 2019:

He looks like a cute man with a good sense of humor.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@IrishTxJudy That is really saying something positive about him that they adopted him that way. Smart kids.

I had an experience this weekend that made me consider that there may be a God and he must hate me.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 5, 2019:

I have only had food poisoning once, but it was a ghastly experience where I feared I might die, but also felt like it might be better than what I was experiencing. Got some bad spaggetti and meatballs from a grocery store deli that had been at room temp for too long. I came back there after I was ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@greyeyed123 Yeah, doctors and food places get very nervous once they hear the word lawsuit. In reality, about the only way most of us can make them pay is to go to the city health inspection folks and complain to them, hopefully getting them sanctioned or shut down at least for a while.

I had an experience this weekend that made me consider that there may be a God and he must hate me.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 5, 2019:

I have only had food poisoning once, but it was a ghastly experience where I feared I might die, but also felt like it might be better than what I was experiencing. Got some bad spaggetti and meatballs from a grocery store deli that had been at room temp for too long. I came back there after I was ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@greyeyed123 I hear you. I guess I was younger and more forgiving back then. I had a young co-worker who got sick from some bad chicken at a local Hawaiian place a few years back and she damn near died. Her kidneys shut down, she had to be airlifted to the state uni hospital because it had the best trauma unit in the state, and was on dialysis for a while. The doctors said the only reason she lived was that she was really young and had always eaten such a healthy diet. Her family tried to sue the resturarant, but they denied that it was from their place even tho she had kept the receipt, because they said it could have been something else she ate that day. You can bet that I, her, her family, and her co-workers put out the word about that place, tho it's still in business from what I can see.

Today would have been our 15th wedding anniversary.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 5, 2019:

He looks like a cute man with a good sense of humor.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@IrishTxJudy See? My radar is still pretty good, at least when it comes to men. I can also still spot an asshole really quick in person or in a photo just by looking at them.

Any advice?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 5, 2019:

Would like to, but can't help you. I have never had the looks and confidence, unlike you, to have women often and easily attracted to me, so I haven't dated that much in my life. Not that much before my late wife and not at all in the couple years since. I think my standards have always been ok, but...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@EyesThatSmile Now that statement is something I can relate to. I really only had one LTR, and that was with my late wife. So after I was widowed, I was still somewhat wary and apprehensive about online dating after being out of the game for so long, but my confidence was actually pretty good a couple years ago because I knew my track record with relationships was superior to most of the divorced folks out there on dating sites. Fast forward two years, and now my confidence is really low as well as being really discouraged about ever finding anyone compatible. Because of all the rejection and realizing over time how crucial looks are in the early part of online dating as well as how few hipster women seem to be on there in my area. Nowadays I feel like I have only two bad choices to select from. One, settle for being alone and give up. Two, start messaging only women whose profiles seem compatible on their interests and personalities, but whose photos do not seem attractive at all to me and hope that after meeting them in person and spending time with them, I will find them physically attractive. The pitfall of the latter is I think it's unfair to lead them on that way as well as to lie to myself about where they stand with me. Few things are more miserable than meeting someone new where one or both of the people is hoping for more than the friendzone and then it ends up there despite how much they both have in common otherwise because there is just not mutual physical attraction. I don't want to be a hypocrite either. Last summer I met a woman thru Match that I did find physically attractive from the first time I saw her photos and that was confirmed when we first met. We met two more times and then she stood me up for what would have been the fourth time. I think her no show that time was mostly a legit mistake and partly an unconscious way to push me away. I pushed her in an e-mail chat to say if she was physically attracted to me after admitting that I was to her. She replied that she had never been physically attracted to me from the beginning, but she met me anyway and was still willing to see me as a friend. I told her no thanks and was actually quite angry that she had kept this to herself, tho in retrospect, I can see why she did out of fear that men in general might react violently or harrass her for rejecting them that way. Plus, before that I hadn't said that I was physically attracted to her or made any moves that way or asked her about it. So she could say that she had no reason to tell me I was already friendzoned.I don't want to go thru that kind of shit again being on the other end of it either if I already know from the photos before I even message someone that it's pretty unlikely I will be attracted to them physically.

My father died today.

Jolanta comments on Jun 2, 2019:

I hope you have some siblings. I have several friends who do not have any children by choice and they are very happy with their decisions. Myself I have two grown up ones but neither one of them wants any children of their own and I am happy about it. Why anybody would want to bring children into...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@Jolanta I am most certainly not an optimist about most things and that probably works against me in the dating game. I am very cynical about how the world really works and what can be expected of most people. But I am also still pretty romantic about what a relationship can be with a compatible partner and how I would like to treat a woman. Maybe those last parts are where I fit your type that is looking for too much in a relationship. Maybe, maybe not. I have long ago wised up that real life is not like the movies where women always fall for the nice guy at the end even if he's not as attractive physically as the bad boy, etc. Online dating, as well as real life dating before the internet, has taught me plenty about how looks matter way more than character in the early part of attraction, no matter how much in the movies and online women complain about how there aren't nice guys, most men are just after sex, lie, play games, etc. Of course they want a nice guy with good character, but only if he is at least a 7. Of course, as Sticks, says, it goes both ways..........

There are points in your life where you make decisions.

COGITOERGOSUM comments on Jun 4, 2019:

Regrets, you have **a few**? You are lucky, my friend. I have **a lot**! But, please, forgive me for not sharing them publicly, 99% of them are just too personal/private for that.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@COGITOERGOSUM I have visited there twice, long before the hurricanes that destroyed much there, and it already seemed like a fairly rough place to live, except for the well off, like him. I don't think he will ever come back to the states to live, even after he retires, if for nothing else than his wife would not want to live in the continental US. She grew up in Haiti.

I look forward to the day when non-believers are less preoccupied with their lack of faith than ...

Pamscwf1 comments on Jun 5, 2019:

Unfortunately, they believe it's a core part of their self image. They make it an aspect of their identity. I suppose some non-believers can do the same.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

It's actually a small part of my self-image. My non-belief is usually way more important to other people who are believers than it is to me. I am fairly apathetic to others believing and their beliefs if they are willing to respect and tolerate me. Now that I am not working anymore, it almost never comes up, except in the dating game, where most believers are unwilling to accept me for dating due to that issue, among others. But Iowa is sort of in the Bible belt, so I am somewhat used to that.

There are points in your life where you make decisions.

COGITOERGOSUM comments on Jun 4, 2019:

Regrets, you have **a few**? You are lucky, my friend. I have **a lot**! But, please, forgive me for not sharing them publicly, 99% of them are just too personal/private for that.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@COGITOERGOSUM Yes, he lives in the hills above the capital city. Interestingly, he is your age and a gringo, grew up here in Iowa and has lived in PR since the early 90s.

Absolutely

indirect76 comments on Jun 5, 2019:

My version: Don’t swim across an ocean for someone that won’t step over a puddle for you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

Well said. I gave up being codependent long ago...

There are points in your life where you make decisions.

COGITOERGOSUM comments on Jun 4, 2019:

Regrets, you have **a few**? You are lucky, my friend. I have **a lot**! But, please, forgive me for not sharing them publicly, 99% of them are just too personal/private for that.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@COGITOERGOSUM Thanks. I've been looking for almost two years now and never found anyone that I ended up seeing more than 3 times as a potential girlfriend. My brother lives in San Juan, but I am estranged from all my siblings, for the better in my case.

My father died today.

Jolanta comments on Jun 2, 2019:

I hope you have some siblings. I have several friends who do not have any children by choice and they are very happy with their decisions. Myself I have two grown up ones but neither one of them wants any children of their own and I am happy about it. Why anybody would want to bring children into...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 5, 2019:

@Jolanta Yes, I have heard of the studies on happiness of married men and women. Yes, I understand why many women who are divorced and widowed no longer want another relationship, but if so, what are they doing on paid dating sites if they feel that way? Or are you just talking about those groups of women in general? If they feel that way, they shouldn't be on those sites. I am certainly not looking for a crutch and I already have friends. I want more than that with someone. I think I understand you, I just don't agree.

There are points in your life where you make decisions.

COGITOERGOSUM comments on Jun 4, 2019:

Regrets, you have **a few**? You are lucky, my friend. I have **a lot**! But, please, forgive me for not sharing them publicly, 99% of them are just too personal/private for that.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 4, 2019:

Well said. I have some too that I will never share on these boards. We all deserve some secrets and privacy. I guess that's why I share very little on FB, as I desire more privacy, am less of an exhibitionist, and am more modest and less narcissistic than most of those younger than me. My offline friends are who I share those things with because they know me better, are trustworthy to keep confidences, and will not judge me as harshly as FB. I know they will not reject or abandon me either for sharing those things.

There are points in your life where you make decisions.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 4, 2019:

We are all different Robert, so it's hard to judge someone else's decision on a situation such as yours back then. I can certainly relate. After I had already been dating my late wife for a couple years, she and I learned that her mother had dementia and my wife had already known or maybe suspected ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 4, 2019:

@RobertFoley I totally agree. Few people who haven't been there understand this.

My father died today.

Jolanta comments on Jun 2, 2019:

I hope you have some siblings. I have several friends who do not have any children by choice and they are very happy with their decisions. Myself I have two grown up ones but neither one of them wants any children of their own and I am happy about it. Why anybody would want to bring children into...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 4, 2019:

@Jolanta If marriage or an LTR partnership don't involve being each other's best friend and also looking after them or caring for them when they are sick-because that often begins to happen at least some of the time after you get to my age (whether you are male or female), then what are relationships supposed to be then at my age? Just about sex, some companionship and a business relationship?

Why do you use agnostic.com?

bobwjr comments on Jun 3, 2019:

It's the people here good people don't always find that and the women wow

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 4, 2019:

@Heidi68 I am a fan of Morrissey's music, at least most of it. Not so much a fan of the man himself these days. As Moz would say, he really likes animals, just not very many humans. I can agree and relate, Heidi.

It looks like I have messed up yet again.

Ms_McSteven comments on Jun 2, 2019:

The description of your personal dilemma is too vague for me to comment on, so I'll just answer your other questions. I joined last December with the priority of making local friends to hang out with in the real world. A secondary reason was to see if I was ready, willing, and open to the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 4, 2019:

@HomeAloneSunday I respect your brutal honesty and integrity, we are alike in those respects and it often makes life hard and lonely. I figured out a long time ago that I was not cut out to be a parent, at least not a good one, and I am still glad I made that choice. I won't be fake or lie to people either, same as you, even tho I do have some loneliness. You may be undatable, I can't know that one way or the other, only you can. But I still think you seem like a very cool and rare individual. If you lived in my area, I would want to get to know you and be a friend. BTW, I drove a school bus too for several years, until I retired over a year ago.

There are points in your life where you make decisions.

RedneckProfessor comments on Jun 4, 2019:

If you think living without regrets is hard, try living with them.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 4, 2019:

Well said dude.....

Why do you use agnostic.com?

bobwjr comments on Jun 3, 2019:

It's the people here good people don't always find that and the women wow

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 4, 2019:

@Gypsy494 I get your point and I have even personally known people that LD has worked for, including a woman that was a very close friend of my late wife. She met her hubby online from Iowa while he was living in the UK. It did work out in their case. But I have also known myself for 60 years now and I know what I can emotionally handle, both with the risk of trying LD dating and having it fail, as well as the risk of moving far away (and then having to cope with that without my friends around) and having that fail. I don't think I could handle the emotional impact of either, esp. the latter, and I am not willing to risk my mental health on either. Remember that my friends are all I've got. I don't have family that I can lean on emotionally. If a woman from Agnostic said at the beginning that she was willing to move to Iowa for me after dating LD, I would be open to that. But let's be honest, who is going to move to my area for a relationship if they already live on either coast and/or in an area that is much more hip, liberal and enjoyable than Des Moines Iowa, esp. with the winters? I have asked that ? with several women from this site and none of them, even the ones living in the Midwest already, like Chicago and Minneapolis, said they would be willing or interested in moving to my area for a relationship with a partner. And I don't blame them at all for that. It's not worth the risk on their part to move to an area that offers much less than their own area and they don't know anyone but you, esp. if the relationship doesn't work out. Moving somewhere foreign (where you know almost nobody) is emotionally hard, esp. when you are older. Starting over there if the relationship doesn't work out or, worse, if you are widowed again soon, would be devastating for me and probably for others as well if they really don't have any friends there besides their partner. It's not as easy as it sounds.

My father died today.

Jolanta comments on Jun 2, 2019:

I hope you have some siblings. I have several friends who do not have any children by choice and they are very happy with their decisions. Myself I have two grown up ones but neither one of them wants any children of their own and I am happy about it. Why anybody would want to bring children into...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 4, 2019:

@Jolanta With all due respect, I think that is a glib cliche. I love myself just fine, and did at the time my wife died. I just am tired of being alone since 2015, while she was still alive but had already lost her personality and most of her mental functioning. My feeling unhappy is more about all the frustration and disappointment from the rejection of online dating, mostly by women who are divorced, (and likely have more issues or deficits than me around doing relationships well and emotional intimacy) the lack of being given a fair chance to have another relationship, along with not wanting to spend the rest of my life alone when I have already been alone for several years for the most part. And realize very well that I may only have another 15-20 years left. I was alone until I was 37 and it did not lead me into a bad relationship. It ended with me meeting my wife. I do not want to be on my own for a similar period of time, not that I am going to settle either, for someone who is not compatible. Some people do fine alone, others thrive with a partner. It does not mean that the latter group are all defective, overly-needy, or fail to "love themselves" enough. I get really sick of that smug, judgemental attitude so often displayed on these boards towards those who are emotionally capable of having a relationship again, but justifiably frustrated by the lack of success in finding one.

Why do you use agnostic.com?

bobwjr comments on Jun 3, 2019:

It's the people here good people don't always find that and the women wow

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

@Heidi68 That is so cute and sweet. I admit I have a soft spot in my heart for cat women, all other things being equal. People who love cats are all good people, in my experience. I even watch My Cat From Hell on Animal Planet, even tho I don't own a cat, just to get my cat fix.

Why do you use agnostic.com?

bobwjr comments on Jun 3, 2019:

It's the people here good people don't always find that and the women wow

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

@bobwjr That really sucks. There were about 5 or 6 women my age on here from my area when I first joined over two and a half years ago. I messaged all of them and struck out, none of them would meet me. Probably because all most of them had in common with me was being a non-believer. Otherwise, I think most of them were conformist, culturally mainstream Iowans that were not hipsters at all like most people on here, so we didn't have enough in common, I didn't have the looks they wanted, or a combination of both. Two of those women appeared to be hipsters and seemed to have a lot in common with me but they were easily above average looking, so I think I had my answer. Hipster, non-believing women can be just as shallow about looks as most mainstream believing women, but it goes both ways........

Why do you use agnostic.com?

bobwjr comments on Jun 3, 2019:

It's the people here good people don't always find that and the women wow

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

@Heidi68 I'm glad you have the dogs and that works well enough for you. I have my friends here, but it's not enough. I don't have pets, but if I did it would be a cat. I don't want to deal with the mess and smell tho.

My father died today.

WayneDalton comments on Jun 3, 2019:

I'm with you on the kidney stone statement;too many people close to me have passed over the last 8 yrs.,and my life is now bleak as one of those people was my longtime partner ,Sonia.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

Thanks Wayne, I relate....

Why do you use agnostic.com?

bobwjr comments on Jun 3, 2019:

It's the people here good people don't always find that and the women wow

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

@Heidi68 Yes it is, because the positive reactions and really attractive, interesting, and compatible profiles on here that I find from women on these boards validate for me that I have something to offer women as a partner and that there are women out there that might want me, but in the end it only leads to frustration by giving me false hope that I might actually find someone in my area, when in two years on Agnostic that's never happened with this site and no new women my age have joined in my area. It feels like some desert mirage of water on the horizon that's never there when you move closer, something that's never in reach..... No active local women my age on here, and no real capability to date the ones far away who seem compatible and interested in me, due to lack of courage, strength, and energy. Seems like the non-believing hipster women who are available, compatible and want me are all on Agnostic far away while on Match all the women in my area are believers, non-hipsters, or don't want me. I would try dating you in a heartbeat if you lived in my area.

Why do you use agnostic.com?

bobwjr comments on Jun 3, 2019:

It's the people here good people don't always find that and the women wow

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

There are and have been several women on here I would love to meet and try dating, but they all live far away. I don't think that situation with this site is ever going to change and I will not try dating LD or move to improve my chances of finding someone. So it will probably never be more than an online community for support and making friends LD.

My father died today.

think-beyond comments on Jun 3, 2019:

I would like to add my condolences to you at this deep, sorrowful time. How you handled yourself with your Dad is magnificent.That shows what a special person you are. You are still young and have many years before you. Would it help for you to know that my life took a fabulous turn late in life? I...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

I am really trying, but it's not easy. Losing both parents and my wife in the space of several years is off the charts for stress level, especially when I also moved a few times also within the last decade. Another reason I am not moving again for a while, even tho some people on this site think I should do so to improve my chances of finding another woman who is a fellow hipster to date and share my life with.

My father died today.

Lorajay comments on Jun 3, 2019:

I'm very glad you and your Dad accepted each other before he died. Losing a parent is very tough, in many ways you lose part of your childhood. I hope you and your siblings are able to accept each other in the near future as well.Family is a precious thing and none of them are perfect. It was ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

I did it for him as well as for me, because I knew he needed me in his life and because I am grateful for the positive things he did for me in my life. I also did not want to feel guilty after he died. I do not have the same situation with my siblings, nor do they need me in their lives. They also have done very little in the way of positive things for me as an adult, (and also not that much as kids either) so I will not feel any guilt about my estrangement from them should they die before me. I know that sounds cold, but it's the reality and truth of my situation.

My father died today.

Lorajay comments on Jun 3, 2019:

I'm very glad you and your Dad accepted each other before he died. Losing a parent is very tough, in many ways you lose part of your childhood. I hope you and your siblings are able to accept each other in the near future as well.Family is a precious thing and none of them are perfect. It was ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 3, 2019:

Thanks, but I really doubt things will change with my siblings. They are very different people than me and I will not accept being seen by them or treated by them as inferior or less than. I have worked long and hard to achieve the level of self-esteem and self-respect that I have gained in my adult life. I will not give it away just to settle for the illusion of family connection and relationship with them, tho I know that very few women in the dating world (especially here in Iowa where family is everything with most people and the women are almost all very family-oriented) will accept that as healthy and ok unless they have experienced the same as me in their family, rather than blaming me and assuming that I am defective and unhealthy, unable to do relationships, etc. But they will either give me credit that I can because of my successful marriage or they won't. I can't control their prejudice and judgement, but maybe someone open-minded or similar to me will meet and accept me. Either way, I can only do authentic relationships these days, whether with family, friends, or a dating partner. I am too old and tired of the bullshit to do anything else or settle for less. I accepted and got more involved with my father because I knew his life was nearing the end and so did he, so the balance of power between him and me was shifting and both of us knew it, as often happens between aging parents and their adult kids. He knew he needed me more now and as a result he began to treat me with more respect and as an equal, which made it much easier for me to be involved with him. That power shift in the relationship has not happened between my siblings and me, and I doubt it will happen in the forseeable future. They don't need me in their lives and I don't want them in my life on their terms. That would not be healthy or worth it for me.

My father died today.

FrostyJim comments on Jun 2, 2019:

I felt much the same towards my dad... I could not be there when he died - but I did travel there from Alaska when he was in the ICU after surgery and he never recovered... he remained sedated and on a ventilater until the end - but he did squeeze my hand and looked me in the eye when I said ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 2, 2019:

I had really pretty much said my goodbyes to him when I last visited him in the hospital on May 25, but my sister called me this afternoon around 1 pm from his room and told me that he would be gone soon, so she put me on her phone's speaker because he wanted to hear me, so I talked to him for a couple minutes and she said he was hearing me and reacting. My brother also spoke to him the same way this afternoon and he died soon after we had both talked to him on the phone. He was too weak to speak, but I think it gave him peace of mind and prepared him to let go.

My father died today.

Huskygirl4ever comments on Jun 2, 2019:

Sending gentle hugs sorry to hear about your father be thankful you knew them for as long as you did I never got to know my biological mother and my dad died when I was nine

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 2, 2019:

Thanks for coming out of lurking and posting here Lisa. I really appreciate your PMs and support.

My father died today.

Green13Purple comments on Jun 2, 2019:

I am so very sorry for your loss. ....my Darling friend, TomMcGiverin....... I hope I am that lucky to live to be 90 years old :) !! It was beautiful that you knew him, problems and all...... My Daddy died when I was 9.... My Dear.😊 friend. ..you and your Daddy are in my thoughts and in...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 2, 2019:

Thanks Monica. I hope you live as old as you wish to.....

My father died today.

thinktwice comments on Jun 2, 2019:

Sorry for your loss...lovely tribute...glad to see that you and your dad had some understanding before he died...thanks for sharing this personal story of life, reconciliation, and death... You are now free to take what he gave to you and live your life ... take care...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 2, 2019:

Thanks, Linda. You, Sticks, Gwendolyn, and Deiter are some of the people I most admire and respect on here. It means a lot to hear that from folks like you and them.

My father died today.

sweetcharlotte comments on Jun 2, 2019:

I am sorry for your loss and have always thought you are a quality person.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 2, 2019:

Thank you.

My father died today.

Jolanta comments on Jun 2, 2019:

I hope you have some siblings. I have several friends who do not have any children by choice and they are very happy with their decisions. Myself I have two grown up ones but neither one of them wants any children of their own and I am happy about it. Why anybody would want to bring children into...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 2, 2019:

I really have had little to no contact with my siblings during most of my adult life as they have not been very understanding, accepting or supportive, for a few different reasons. I have only been in contact with them in recent years around the health and welfare of both my parents. My friends are my family and my emotional support, and have been for most of my adult life. That is why I am not willing and able to move away to a more hip place to find another partner or someone to date as a widower. Because I need my friends here too much to cope with things. I am stuck with the local dating pool as it is, like it or not. And that future looks pretty hopeless for an aged hipster like me.

I was offered a faculty job in Panama City Fl yesterday.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 1, 2019:

Good for you, should be somewhat of a cultural improvement for you compared to Kansas. I've heard that about the only cool area of Kansas is the Lawrence area, due to the university there.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 1, 2019:

@DoctoralZombie Bet it would still beat most of Kansas if that state was crazy enough to have elected Sam Brownback governor. I heard from a friend in Mission KS all about his wonderful policies.

Just Change the Key Below, a guy takes minor key metal tunes and converts them to major keys ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jun 1, 2019:

I guess I would not want the key or mood changed of the music I like. Maybe it's dysfunctional, maybe not, but I don't want my genuine feelings about my situation invalidated that way. Honest feedback from others and taking meds for it are one thing, but denying my reality by altering the mood of ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 1, 2019:

@Deiter So what you were doing was sort of like the old joke about how if you play country music backwards you quit drinking, your wife comes back to you, your dog comes back to life, etc. I get it.....

Who has plans for going to the Woodstock Reunion?

aahouck49 comments on Jun 1, 2019:

Well, darlin I think everyone would not remember everything but seeking advice, look at us now?? We really did have good intentions, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions!! This reminds me of that movie with Charlton Heston, cannot remember the name, but he was responsible for killing...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 1, 2019:

The Heston movie was called The Omega Man and was remade into a Will Smith movie called I Am Legend.

Are we living in a cocaine era?

linxminx comments on Jun 1, 2019:

I thought the cocaine era was in the 70s and 80s. The documentary Cocaine Cowboys does a good job showing the influx of this drug into the US through Florida. What I've read suggests opioids are the drug of choice today. But I'm the most non-cool/hip person so I'm clueless about this stuff.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 1, 2019:

I can relate as a non-cool/hip person, at least when it comes to tech and drugs. I don't even drink or own a cellphone. I own a tracphone, which I use very little and almost no one has the phone's number. I don't want to be connected all the time techwise with others. I want to have my thoughts and quiet when I am not with someone face to face, and then when I am, they have my full attention, whether they are comfortable with that or not. Nowadays, I'm afraid, most people except my close friends, are not comfortable with giving or receiving that face to face attention anymore. I also try to limit my time online, even here on this site, because I am also aware how webtime can be addicting, as well as a substitute, for real offline genuine interaction with others and the world.

What does “beauty” or “desirability” or “attraction” mean to you?

Sticks48 comments on Jun 1, 2019:

It is a combination of looks, humor, intelligence, and personality creating a chemistry. I have no particular physical traits that I am attracted to, but there are certain physical traits that may or may not turn me off depending on the personality. As I always say there is chemistry or there isn't,...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jun 1, 2019:

@Sticks48 You take the words right out of my mouth. Looks get me interested in meeting or talking to a woman I run into, but after that, if the rest of the package isn't there as far as personality, ease to talk to, some things in common, etc., I won't be with her any longer and sex will not be happening, since I'm not ready for that anyway until after at least a few real dates.

Father Forced 14-Year-Old Daughter To Marry Her Rapist | Michael Stone

Gwendolyn2018 comments on May 31, 2019:

Quite Biblical: Deuteronomy 22:28-29 New International Version (NIV) 28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 31, 2019:

Very barbaric.

I'm interested in getting opinions on the places in which you live. Do you love it or hate it?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 30, 2019:

I like the Des Moines area of Iowa because there is a lot to do and the cost of living is affordable as well as the traffic not being that bad and crime also not bad either. There is a Unitarian church in the area too if I ever get motivated enough to return to it. The whole problem with living ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 31, 2019:

@thinktwice, @Sam-a-Lamb Not worth the risk of failure and the resulting crisis of not having friends around to support me.

I'm interested in getting opinions on the places in which you live. Do you love it or hate it?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 30, 2019:

I like the Des Moines area of Iowa because there is a lot to do and the cost of living is affordable as well as the traffic not being that bad and crime also not bad either. There is a Unitarian church in the area too if I ever get motivated enough to return to it. The whole problem with living ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 31, 2019:

@thinktwice My track record is a hell of a lot better than his, but, like I've said before on these boards, that doesn't seem to count for much with most women in online dating.

I'm interested in getting opinions on the places in which you live. Do you love it or hate it?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 30, 2019:

I like the Des Moines area of Iowa because there is a lot to do and the cost of living is affordable as well as the traffic not being that bad and crime also not bad either. There is a Unitarian church in the area too if I ever get motivated enough to return to it. The whole problem with living ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 31, 2019:

@Sam-a-Lamb I don't know man, but I appreciate your encouragement and support. Today I signed up as a paid member on Our Time to supplement my useless, at least for the last few months, subscription to Match. They are owned by the same company and OT seems to be lower quality than when I was on it two years ago. Maybe that's why their price is lower than Match. OT has changed a lot with their profiles, cutting the essay parts of it way down, so you don't get near as much info about the person from reading their profile as you do on Match. And a lot of the same women in my area are on both sites now, probably with some of them having free memberships to keep the female numbers up. But I joined it because Match seems to be running out of women in their 60s in my area and that's the main age group that seems willing to date someone my age, so I will try it for 6 mos.

I'm interested in getting opinions on the places in which you live. Do you love it or hate it?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 30, 2019:

I like the Des Moines area of Iowa because there is a lot to do and the cost of living is affordable as well as the traffic not being that bad and crime also not bad either. There is a Unitarian church in the area too if I ever get motivated enough to return to it. The whole problem with living ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 30, 2019:

@Sam-a-Lamb I'm not going to move there on my own with no friends who are already there. Not doing an LD relationship either. So here I am feeling trapped and way more alone than I want to feel.

This has pretty much been how every date has gone for me within the past two years.

Damondo comments on May 29, 2019:

Haha, i am just joining the single life again, and going to be a strict non christian dater...in the midwest...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 29, 2019:

Good luck with that. But you do have some things going for you that I don't, namely that you are young, live in a larger city than me, have a kid, and are above average looking. But you will have a hard time finding a non-believing woman in the KC area that has the rest of what you want in compatibility.

Anyone else have deal with a hyper critical parent?

friendlycatlady comments on May 28, 2019:

I have a toxic family. My father was extremely critical and passed away from Alzheimer's. My younger sister and I were very close, but it always seemed that my mom needed a scapegoat, so she would try to get us to confide in her and talk about each other. When my poor sister became mentally ill, she...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 29, 2019:

@friendlycatlady That is probably true in most places, but not here in farming country, where everything is around and about family. It is held as a big strike against me even tho I am probably more emotionally healthy than most of the people in online dating that are so big on family, at least in their profile essays.

Anyone else have deal with a hyper critical parent?

friendlycatlady comments on May 28, 2019:

I have a toxic family. My father was extremely critical and passed away from Alzheimer's. My younger sister and I were very close, but it always seemed that my mom needed a scapegoat, so she would try to get us to confide in her and talk about each other. When my poor sister became mentally ill, she...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 28, 2019:

I've had some similar experiences with my family, but my mother is dead and my father will be too soon, so my critical parents will both be gone. I have no contact with my siblings except around my father's health and welfare. I look forward to closing the book on the whole family soon. It sucks trying to date online when almost all the women seem to act like their family is everything to them and mine is in my life as little as possible during my adult life. But if I tried to explain why in my profile essay, it would just be held against me and I would be blamed for not being close to my family. The only people that understand are the ones who have shared my situation without being in denial, which is a damned small group.....

Looking for love. Don't seem to have much luck in that department.

COGITOERGOSUM comments on May 27, 2019:

Out of luck? Wait until you are 59!!

TomMcGiverin replies on May 28, 2019:

Join the freaking club!

Should our government promote any particular values?

SeaGreenEyez comments on May 26, 2019:

That's like asking if America has any culture, of it's own. The answer is no. America is a nation of sub-cultures, thereby, values are as subjective as culture.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 27, 2019:

@ToolGuy I think that you are like many foreign observers of America who actually see things in the US more clearly than most Americans, probably because you are not part of the delusions, mythology, propaganda, and ego that blinds most Americans to the truth about our country. One of those truths is that Americans worship money, not God, as the almighty and most important thing in our culture. A close second to that is that most Americans worship or at least envy the rich and aspire to being rich. Our politics reflects these things. And to think the people at my local senior center wonder why I roll my eyes and ignore or scoff when they recite the Pledge Of Allegiance followed by a moment of silence before they serve lunch each day. Bunch of theist rubes.....

This Memorial Day, Let's Learn From Our Mistakes and End Illegal War

Casey07 comments on May 27, 2019:

Hell yea, I'll drink to that. It's way past time for people to wake up and declare war on the real enemy, "The Military Industrial Complex". The sad thing is that it is no longer an issue. Couldn't tell you what victory in Afganastan even looks like because the sole purpose of the war is corprate ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 27, 2019:

The US sure didn't help Iraq that much either.

Black Dems in vastly white Iowa poised to play 2020 role

TomMcGiverin comments on May 27, 2019:

Iowa has a 3% black population, but last time I checked something like a fourth of its prison population is black. Not a great state to be black in.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 27, 2019:

@SeaGreenEyez It's mostly caused by the War On Drugs and harsher sentencing for blacks than whites.

Sme question for the ladies - Is this sexy and if so why? [youtube.com]

tinkercreek comments on May 27, 2019:

I'm a huge fan of Leonard and have most of his recent music up to the end. He was a complex performer, highly educated and life-experienced, passionate and compassionate man, which I feel exuding from most of his music. This piece in particular I have always experienced as very intense and evocative...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 27, 2019:

I think that both Dylan and Cohen's songs are sexy in general because they have great hearts and minds. Something there for the romantic and the sapiosexual.

Remember Tienanmen, The government’s count of those killed was 241 (including soldiers), with ...

Amisja comments on May 27, 2019:

China is a communist state. Not socialist

TomMcGiverin replies on May 27, 2019:

China is a communist state and it uses totalitarian control of the people and everything in it, but its economy is thoroughly capitalist these days.

“I’ll show you politics in America.

Robecology comments on May 27, 2019:

It's the money in politics. Repeal "Citizen's United"...a lovely name to a very greed-obsessed bill that's creating our "puppets", as above. Bipartisan Constitutional Amendment to Overturn Citizens United Introduced... “Years after the Citizens United decision, **election spending has ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 27, 2019:

You would also need to repeal Buckley v. Valeo from the 1970s. That case set the precedent that money equaled free speech.

He Pope compares abortion to 'hiring a HITMAN' as he says it can never be condoned With the ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 26, 2019:

This kind of bullshit always sets my mind to hearing Monty Python's song "Every Sperm Is Sacred". Maybe someone will post a link to it on YouTube for those who haven't heard it.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 26, 2019:

@madmac You're welcome. It's very funny, as long as you have a twisted sense of humor like mine I suppose. Mainstream people, not so much....

He Pope compares abortion to 'hiring a HITMAN' as he says it can never be condoned With the ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 26, 2019:

This kind of bullshit always sets my mind to hearing Monty Python's song "Every Sperm Is Sacred". Maybe someone will post a link to it on YouTube for those who haven't heard it.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 26, 2019:

@KKGator I like to sing karaoke, so I go two times a week now. I had never heard that song before or seen the movie The Meaning Of Life by Monty Python, one of the few I missed. When I first heard the song performed at a karaoke show I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants.....I'm learning I can't afford to get angry all the time, laughter is important too.

He Pope compares abortion to 'hiring a HITMAN' as he says it can never be condoned With the ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 26, 2019:

This kind of bullshit always sets my mind to hearing Monty Python's song "Every Sperm Is Sacred". Maybe someone will post a link to it on YouTube for those who haven't heard it.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 26, 2019:

@KKGator Thanks, KKG. I'm too tech retarded to know how to do that.

According to this video on preventing workplace violence my entire personality is cause for ...

Petter comments on May 25, 2019:

Do you have anxiety about being concerned about you behaviour. If not, then you have no cause for concern.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 26, 2019:

@LadyAlyxandrea Well, that may explain it then. Thanks for sharing. I was not assuming that about you, BTW.

A morally bankrupt empire of debt?

Piece2YourPuzzle comments on May 25, 2019:

It's seems people don't understand this and will blame it on one person. It's a system with lots of people in charge that are corrupted. They have all congregated where they have the best chance to live freely with their corrupted morals and benefit from it while leaving a trail of death and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 25, 2019:

@callmedubious That is generally true in the last several decades, but it hasn't always been true. Bernie, AOC, and Warren are not sociopaths, but they also are not likely to become prez because they do not cooperate with the other pols who are sociopaths. So they can always be marginalized.

According to this video on preventing workplace violence my entire personality is cause for ...

Petter comments on May 25, 2019:

Do you have anxiety about being concerned about you behaviour. If not, then you have no cause for concern.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 25, 2019:

@LadyAlyxandrea The shooters are always males, usually white. No one needs to be worried about you, altho I do understand why you've been profiled that way. They must be overlooking gender. High school shooters tend to be white boys who feel overly-entitled and victimized. College shooters are males who may be white or minority who also feel wronged by somebody rather than bullied.

AOC and Elizabeth Warren want you to know that Steve Mnuchin is a total dirtbag.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 24, 2019:

These two women and Bernie are the only ones in congress who will tell the truth about the rich and corporate America, about everybody else is just in politics to enrich themselves and cash in after politics for loyally serving both the rich and corporate America. As Michael Moore used to say, ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 25, 2019:

@Trajan61 Enjoy your delusions, Repub.

Selfishness as a virtue?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 24, 2019:

I chose not to have kids and that can be taken either way, as selfish or generous. The selfish part of it was that I didn't want the burdens that come with parenthood. The unselfish or generous/altrusitic part is that I felt I would be a terrible parent based on what my father was like and the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 25, 2019:

@callmedubious Your younger wife is taking the same chance on you that I did on my late wife, namely hoping that the time with you will be worth the risk that she will be widowed at such an older age that she is unable to find another compatible partner. That is what I am experiencing now. I used to think that with my better than average track record on relationships compared to most divorced people-one LTR that was happy and lasted 22 years-that I would have a relatively easier time finding someone compatible to date after I was widowed. Boy, was I wrong. Track record by itself means nothing in online dating and no one is impressed by it. Most people in online dating appear to act more like they are in high school or college and choose who to date as if no one has a history and everyone is presumed to be equally prepared to do relationships, when nothing could be further from the truth.....

Selfishness as a virtue?

genessa comments on May 24, 2019:

between selfishness and selflessness is the concept of acting for mutual benefit, even if one's own gratification is delayed, or passed on to a descendant. libertarianism, to me, while claiming to be for individual rights, is in fact only for the individual rights of the libertarian doing the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 25, 2019:

@Happy_Killbot You don't have to live in it. Bye, bye......I only wish our govt. wasn't so owned by the rich so that rich people who give up their citizenship to avoid American taxes are still allowed to own homes here and visit the US freely. They should be barred permanently from visiting here.

Selfishness as a virtue?

genessa comments on May 24, 2019:

between selfishness and selflessness is the concept of acting for mutual benefit, even if one's own gratification is delayed, or passed on to a descendant. libertarianism, to me, while claiming to be for individual rights, is in fact only for the individual rights of the libertarian doing the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 25, 2019:

@Happy_Killbot If you want to live in your Libertarian utopia where you get to be an island, then get the hell out of the US if you don't want to share thru paying taxes. Good riddance, we don't need you.

Selfishness as a virtue?

genessa comments on May 24, 2019:

between selfishness and selflessness is the concept of acting for mutual benefit, even if one's own gratification is delayed, or passed on to a descendant. libertarianism, to me, while claiming to be for individual rights, is in fact only for the individual rights of the libertarian doing the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 25, 2019:

@Happy_Killbot I don't know, if you are referring to some kind of philanthropic act, I suppose it would be the good feeling that they helped others in need and bettered the world. Like the comment below said, beyond that scenario which I assumed you meant in my answer to your ?, I would need to know more what you are meaning before I could answer.

Selfishness as a virtue?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 24, 2019:

I chose not to have kids and that can be taken either way, as selfish or generous. The selfish part of it was that I didn't want the burdens that come with parenthood. The unselfish or generous/altrusitic part is that I felt I would be a terrible parent based on what my father was like and the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 25, 2019:

@callmedubious In theory, there are, but when you whittle away all the younger ones who won't date anyone more than a couple years older than them (the vast majority of women on Match in my local area), the women who won't date a man without kids, (about 85% of the women in my area in my age range) and the women who are not hipsters like me, (don't like country music and are not religious) it leaves very few women in my local area. And that's before we even get into who is at least attractive-looking, as in average-looking.

Selfishness as a virtue?

genessa comments on May 24, 2019:

between selfishness and selflessness is the concept of acting for mutual benefit, even if one's own gratification is delayed, or passed on to a descendant. libertarianism, to me, while claiming to be for individual rights, is in fact only for the individual rights of the libertarian doing the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 24, 2019:

Libertarianism is simply emotional retardation and selfishness dressed up in a political philosophy. I have no time for them. They need to grow up and learn to share, the latter being something the rest of us learned in kindergarten.

Selfishness as a virtue?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 24, 2019:

I chose not to have kids and that can be taken either way, as selfish or generous. The selfish part of it was that I didn't want the burdens that come with parenthood. The unselfish or generous/altrusitic part is that I felt I would be a terrible parent based on what my father was like and the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 24, 2019:

@callmedubious My late wife was 16 years older than me and when she got dementia in 2011, my main worry was that nothing happened to me before I saw her thru the rest of her life. She died over two years ago and now it seems like I will be on my own the rest of my life, not by choice. I am estranged from my family and soon my last parent will be dead. My friends are supportive, but they are not enough for me to be satisfied with being alone the rest of my life. I am 60 and, unlike most men and women my age, I will date someone several years older than me if they are otherwise compatible, but I am not going to date someone more than 8 years older than me because I do not want to go thru watching someone get sick and die anytime in the next decade. I have been thru it once and it almost destroyed me emotionally, as well as taking a toll on my physical health. I suppose my explanation of why I won't date someone ten years older than me explains a lot of why women who are several years younger than me on Match show no interest in dating men several years older than them, which leaves guys our age with very limited prospects until we get old enough to date the elderly widows out there.

Selfishness as a virtue?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 24, 2019:

I chose not to have kids and that can be taken either way, as selfish or generous. The selfish part of it was that I didn't want the burdens that come with parenthood. The unselfish or generous/altrusitic part is that I felt I would be a terrible parent based on what my father was like and the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 24, 2019:

@Robecology Thank you. We'll see what happens......

Selfishness as a virtue?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 24, 2019:

I chose not to have kids and that can be taken either way, as selfish or generous. The selfish part of it was that I didn't want the burdens that come with parenthood. The unselfish or generous/altrusitic part is that I felt I would be a terrible parent based on what my father was like and the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 24, 2019:

@Robecology What is the difference?

"War against a foreign country only happens when the moneyed classes think they are going to profit...

DenoPenno comments on May 24, 2019:

This is why America has so few non-war years. We have become an oil company with an Army. One excuse used for invasions is that we are giving them our democracy. They need badly to learn about George Washington.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 24, 2019:

We have a state of permanent war for America because it serves as a jobs program, it profits corporate America, and it provides us with oil and empire. I will not vote for a warmonger from either major party. Sad to say, I'm not sure I even trust Bernie on this issue if by some miracle he became prez. I know he would like to end our wars, but I'm sure he knows that if he did he's be JFK'd in some non-violent way.

Have a good look at this photo.

gearl comments on May 24, 2019:

Oh, how I hope this backfires on them come election time.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 24, 2019:

That has always been my cynical hope and comfort, namely that if Roe v. Wade was ever overturned that the Repub party would suffer for it the way the Dems have ever since the Civil Rights Act was passed in the Sixties. That decision cost the Dems the whole South ever since then. I would like to think that enough women would become single issue voters over abortion in that scenario that the Repubs would never be able to win a prez election again until abortion was legal again nationwide and would also never control congress again either until it was legal again nationwide.

Selfishness as a virtue?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 24, 2019:

I chose not to have kids and that can be taken either way, as selfish or generous. The selfish part of it was that I didn't want the burdens that come with parenthood. The unselfish or generous/altrusitic part is that I felt I would be a terrible parent based on what my father was like and the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 24, 2019:

@HomeAloneSunday True, and I was aware of that when I chose to be childless, so it made the decision easier. It's possible that I might meet a woman who has kids that would "adopt" me as a parent figure, but I'm not counting on it. I do believe tho, that this desire is the reason that it seems like all the childless women on Match indicate that they are not interested in men who are also childless, because, they are also realizing how they may need people to look after them in old age, so they are hedging their bets that way.

It Turns Out Christians Have More Abortions Than Any Other Religious Group In America - MTV

thinktwice comments on May 24, 2019:

Interesting that over 66% have only had one abortion...sort of takes away from those who claim abortion to be a method of birth control... And, the income level of those seeking abortion is higher than I thought...in the $45-100,000 family income range...so it is not the overwhelmingly poor......

TomMcGiverin replies on May 24, 2019:

Where was there info about their income level or geo location? I didn't see that.

Tribalism: An exploration of the mechanisms that drive tribalism - and that offer a way out of it.

linxminx comments on May 22, 2019:

On this website we say we are open-minded, humanists, and more independent thinking, yet I still see some negative tribal condemnation going on that can be biased and discriminatory. Theists condemn atheists, then atheists condemn theists. It's the same behavior, just a different tribe. We ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 22, 2019:

I agree, I find the theist bashing on this site disturbing and frequent, while personally I am fairly indifferent and at times even apathetic to their belief. As long as they respect, or at least tolerate my differences from them, I am ok with us being different. My beef is when they try to mix church and state too much or legislate their extreme religious views into laws or public policy, because when that happens, I am not opposed to them based on tribal loyalty but because they are endangering the overall welfare of our society and our democracy.

Tribalism: An exploration of the mechanisms that drive tribalism - and that offer a way out of it.

ToolGuy comments on May 22, 2019:

System 2 thinking requires so much energy from people. Posing questions with problems to them reveals that. I personally am an iconoclast or maybe suffer from Oppositional Defiant Disorder — lol — so tend to challenge any concept that somebody reifies.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 22, 2019:

@VictoriaNotes It is lonely most of the time, but I still feel it is or has been worth it.

Is this the true social policy in the USA? Rhetorical question?

Donna_I comments on May 22, 2019:

sad but true. Unfortunatly a lot of the Dems fit in with that as well.

TomMcGiverin replies on May 22, 2019:

So true about the Dems. When they have control of the White House, that's when I am most afraid of Doc. Sec. and Medicare being cut, as they will justify it in the name of being time to cut the deficit and be fiscally responsible, etc. to show they can match the Repubs in that. Of course tho, like the Repubs, the Dems can always find money in the budget for wars.

There are athletes who are agnostic atheist. However are any of them progressive or liberal?

KKGator comments on May 21, 2019:

It would not be "fair" to say that. Your line of thinking IS wrong. Athletes are no different than the rest of the population. Some may appear to be more conservative than others because a) that might actually be their personal position, or, b) they might be acting that way because of who owns...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 21, 2019:

Unlike most of us on here, the majority of people are conformists, most of whom are glad to do so without a second thought about it, while some probably do struggle, at least for a while, with whether to conform to the mainstream or not. I really don't think most people put a lot of thought into whether they conform to the mainstream or go their own way. I think that for most people conforming or not just happens organically as they follow their own nature.

There are athletes who are agnostic atheist. However are any of them progressive or liberal?

powder comments on May 20, 2019:

You are talking professional athletes. And like all proffesions, if you want to get ahead you have to accept and adopt the doctrine of that group. Generally, testing a "companies" doctrine or making waves, is not a good career move anywhere. So most just accept and play the game. True for all of us...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 21, 2019:

So true about how atheism is a real risk to come out with in the workplace in almost all cases. Most people forget that even professional sports, at least the team sports, are a workplace. Individual sports, like golf, tennis, boxing or track and field are a different situation, where an atheist athlete can say and think whatever they want on religion and as long as they have the talent to win, nobody can take it out on them (except maybe the officials in their sport) by firing them or benching them. In non-sports workplaces, about the only workplaces I can think of that would be very tolerant of openly atheist employees would be human and civil rights organizations, like the ACLU, the Unitarian church or liberal political organizations and staff offices of Dem politicians. Otherwise, you are at risk. This issue is much like being gay or lesbian is among professional athletes. I am sure there are many pro athletes who are gay or lesbian, but few are willing to come out until after they retire, for the same reasons atheist pro athletes stay quiet about their non-belief.

Are we (progressives) giving Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez too much praise?

Stevil comments on May 19, 2019:

I've mostly heard negative things about her from Democrats even more than Republicans. That's why I like her. If shes pissing both sides off, she's probably doing something right. I saw a short clip of her this morning asking a CEO kf a drug company why a drug that was developed with government ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 20, 2019:

You hear more gripes about her from Dems than Repubs because the Repubs would rather ignore her and hope she gets ignored by voters and the media while the Dems who are the corrupt, establishment party leaders don't like her challenging the status quo of the duopoly or their inaction and lack of radical reform policies. She makes them look too much like the Repubs, which embarrasses and angers them.

[anticap.files.wordpress.com] And the Dems will have to fix it? Really? That is what they do?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 20, 2019:

Just further proof that the Dems and Repubs are really the same party when it comes to the rich, corporations, and economic policy. Neither one really gives a damn about the common people. They just play kabuki theater over the issues that really affect the common people and pretend to be different ...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 20, 2019:

@ToolGuy More so in the past than in the present. The FBI is not as involved in domestic intel and opposition to lefties as in the past, at least as far as spying on political leaders when Hoover was their director. But I agree that they are still very involved in spying on and trying to infiltrate lefty groups.