Can Jessica say something like "Oh Jose, Oh Tyrone" instead?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 3, 2023:

What if her boyfriend's name is Jesus?...

Fun and games on a grand scale

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 3, 2023:

That face you make when you die of COVID....

A true story

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 3, 2023:

Florida man is that you again?....

Not many have those skills

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 3, 2023:

I have those skills also and it tends to annoy people who don't know the difference between "its and it's"

Our local Aldi has removed the check out lanes and installed self check out points.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 3, 2023:

Aldi is feeling the pressure here in the US to unionize and they are trying ways in less competitive markets to avoid it...

Certainly more than you have brain cells

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 3, 2023:

He faked it.....

I hope he lands in the worst drag bar in NY

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

Or robbing homes for Christmas....

Well...he tried. 🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

4 knots.... You are not going to like it when the doctor tells you that you have an STD...

Grandma's love is....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

Grandma is a perv...

It's god's word, uh?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

Why couldn't he have been the one who lived to be 100 years old instead?....

And she's just found out what he really really wants. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

Pity the girl who goes through my phone and sees all the insane memes....

Hear me out here

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

Have to watch what you eat anywhere you go out these days the main ingredients are fat and sugar... Fat Food making addicts of everyone.

An executive decision

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

just because it is a pussy doesn't mean it wants a dildo up its ass....

Somebody has to say the right thing

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

But he will be the one getting laid...

Love is love

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

Saudi royal family holiday picture?...

-10C here overnight. I don't think I will be cutting any firewood today

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 2, 2023:

That is cold enough to freeze the balls off Frosty the Snowman....

Perhaps, only Brits can understand this.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 1, 2023:

Full of sugar and I honestly don't like the taste....

Brilliant nasal policy in action

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 30, 2023:

Digging for a nose nugget....

What would you say to that?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 30, 2023:

Convenient way of evading personal responsibility for being an evil pile of shit if you ask me.... "It wasn't my fault a demon possessed me and forced me to rape and murder them..."

Has this happened to you? You may not be entitled to a compensation!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 29, 2023:

Melina tried that and it isn't working out so well...

This was a hit the first time with Dukakis but Clinton-Gore killed it in 1992

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 29, 2023:

Dan Quayle The guy who was so dumb they rejected his contestants application for "are you smarter than a 5th grader" because they said it was like dynamiting fish in a barrel...

True story

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 29, 2023:

You poor child.... Sorry that mean comment broke your vagina...

I saw some Christmas memes! Is it almost that time again?!?!?!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 29, 2023:

If you are looking for pedophiles the founder of "Moms for Liberty" is a convicted pedo....

It goes downhill fast.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 29, 2023:

You never realize until you say "I do" that you mean you know you are jumping off a cliff...

To make it fully clear....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 29, 2023:

Mississippi?.... So the locals know that pissing inside city limits is forbidden because the tourists have been complaining that the entire town smells like a urinal and is giving it too much class....

India's showcase of a smart city

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 28, 2023:

Looks like some of the dumps I saw in the South.... Home of the so-called American Master Race....

I am wondering if this cnn.com or agnostic.com?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 28, 2023:

As far as I can tell by observation and inference that is more than 90% of the human race... Which still begs the question.... Was I born here or is this a Potemkin village created by an exceptionally retarded alien species so they could study me?... Also if that happened how did they manage it?...

I pay because Mitt Romney can pay a lot less

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 28, 2023:

If the rich had to pay their fair share as they did under both FDR and Eisenhower the poor, working and middle classes would pay far less....

Just in time for Christmas. You'll never want to leave home.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 28, 2023:

Now in the new cat and dog turd scents!...

Wait for this. It's about coming out.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 28, 2023:

Well motherfucker....

She is not wrong.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 28, 2023:

Yet going out windows seems popular in Russia these days....

I don't find them when I need them

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 28, 2023:

Would have been cheaper and less painful just to ask her out...

This was an ancient Roman public Bathroom

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 27, 2023:

Looks like an Irishman visiting the Blarney stone after a night at the pub....

Frankenstein and myrrh?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 27, 2023:

Two wise guys and an idiot...

They asked AI to show how Texas would be if it were a person. Do you agree?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 26, 2023:

Forgot the M-4 in a patrol sling...

Me: This is the wall I used to sit on with my mates when we were little. Her: Wow... (Whatever)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 26, 2023:

Me: This is where your sisters and I used to have threesomes... Her: You know you are a deadman right?...

Been busy with family!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 25, 2023:

Hiding from them?...

I hope no one has worms. 😁

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 25, 2023:

Going to have a shot of Jack Daniels now thanks.... #NoWormsInMe

Coming soon... "Walmart Greeter"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 25, 2023:

When he starts shooting you don't want to be anywhere within 300 meters of the store...

Repeat victim?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 24, 2023:

Try to verify who you are dealing with first and ask them to prove they are cowboys by taking YOU for a ride...

Do you think is "base" will be pleased? 😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 24, 2023:

They forgot to add the bullshit...

Thanksgiving leftovers. Hope y'all had a thankful day!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 24, 2023:

Howard is that you?... For those of you who don't get it... https://youtu.be/2mz3oytpugs?feature=shared

True story

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 24, 2023:

Maybe if you stopped watching Newsmax and Fox?... And I am sure the meth you smoke isn't helping either...

That will be a weight of her mind.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 24, 2023:

Thank goodness she didn't say "snatch and grab" or Donnie Dumbass would have tried to rape her....

Thanks to Sugar Daddies during Thanksgiving.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 24, 2023:

Depends on what you are wanted for.... As the old saying goes the only difference between inlaws and outlaws is outlaws are wanted....

Dropping out after New Hampshire. It's a very hard sale.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 23, 2023:

Gad what a fat piece of shit.... He pretends he is "one of the good guys" but he is a grifter just like Donny Dumbass...

'What we have here is a failure to communicate."

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 22, 2023:

What nobody there wearing their KKK teeshirt?...

Fox does good shows sometimes

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 22, 2023:

Not sure how attractive the other guys will find him though... He is going to have the nickname "The Pillsbury No Dough Boy..."

Fox does good shows sometimes

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 22, 2023:

I might be tempted to buy a TV to see that show.... And I haven't owned one in decades.

Travel tip: Always carry some cash to the boarding gate.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 22, 2023:

What no turkey flambe?....

Biden, are you listening?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

Good luck with that turkey....

Not to write home about

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

Sticky dick syndrome....

Welcome Susan to our group.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

What your online "girlfriend" asking for money really looks like....

He lives in San Francisco.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

Mugshot after murdering his parents for giving him that name...

They are braving the cold. We appreciate the service.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

Delivering those drumsticks all season long....

Not too much to ask, is it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

Good girl...

Figments of imagination are not in the ground

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

They can't even find records of those people's existence in several cultures they would have been been affecting some of which were obsessive and paranoid about keeping records on people like that...

Count me in. I'll bring jars of old screws and nails. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

I just added a 100+ year old chisel to my tool collection that I found while tearing the old siding off my house...

I always wanted to be a dentist

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

Why would that hurt?... Perfect excuse to divorce her before it is too late.

If only I was qualified

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

I just had a couple of those ring my doorbell trying to sell me on their Jebus... I told them I don't join cults and they should find a real job.

I do not own a gun and i wont know what to do with one anyways , but go ahead and try to take or ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 21, 2023:

So many people hate me that I want to sell tickets to my funeral.... That way after it is over I can sit up and yell (*brains I want brains to eat*" so they all shit their pants....

Nothing to see here. Just remember… Orange man bad.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 20, 2023:

Instead of taking memes at face value maybe you should fact check?... https://www.forbes.com/sites/zacheverson/2023/08/17/heres-how-much-joe-biden-is-worth/?sh=11487e0a38ea

And the liberals think they are on their side….

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 20, 2023:

Bernie's net worth is slightly over two million.... The real problem with this meme is not only is it full of lies but stupid people don't realize what net worth actually is... Over the last 7 years mine has gone from less than zero to somewhere around 225K but is hard to pin down as my assets vs my debt have recently changed but checking my home value when the work I am doing is finished should be near 500K...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 20, 2023:

Dog: Oh a indoor bathroom for me?....

One more before bed!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 20, 2023:

You're just a kid if you don't remember that loud clunk of the 8-track player when you least expected it....

It would be acceptable to some

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2023:

See the Muslims got something right after all....

A dream that never was

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2023:

Dad must have been screwing the family 7 toed cat again....

An offer you can refuse

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2023:

Have him bring over his daughters for an orgy first just like the bible says....

Age is not the issue

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2023:

Not to mention nasty, decrepit and evil...

Having a relaxing Sunday evening, hope you all are too!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2023:

Raisin Bran do they still make that shit?....

Gibson, Mamoa and their son.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2023:

I am disappointed that Mamoa would have such poor taste in bitches....

Happy Saturday Night!!!!! Hope all is well!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2023:

He should be happy she didn't fart....

Totally based on science

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2023:

Only to fight over everything you own including that old 13' black and white TV that hasn't worked for years....

Be careful how you say it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2023:

Not so rest home eh?...

And update the OS and change Configuration Mode from 'theist' to 'atheist'. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2023:

Or just going away to prevent your followers from destroying all life on the planet....

A quick morning drop. About two feet or so it looks like. I'll post more later.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2023:

Sometimes affectionately known as tripod....

Christmas is coming

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2023:

Good thing Santa only cums once a year isn't it?...

Is there something like that?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2023:

Oh goody more Republicunt Propaganda....

A lot of folks who live in the city often wonder what home life is like for all those "wild animals"...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2023:

Ahh the elusive party animals...

An educational message

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2023:

So true....

It's a proven theory

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2023:

No thanks I find stupid people like @Trajan61 not just annoying but completely unable to overcome their indoctrinations....

I like the rule

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2023:

And make a Hobbit of it....

I have heard of their burgers but....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2023:

Brought to you by circle jerk products....

What did he do wrong?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2023:

Monopoly Money doesn't count....

That's incorrect Biblically, Adam

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2023:

So then according to the bible Eve was actually the first trans woman?....

My Yin Yang

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2023:

Good rules to live life by whenever possible....

The technology is increasingly challenging

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2023:

Mechanical version of Trump....

Now THAT is a very good question.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2023:

Billy Joe Bob's car A/C repair and installation....

His only regret

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2023:

I wish I could reach through the screen and slap some sense into the stupid people instead of just arguing....

My apology. No hard feelings.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2023:

#MeToo

Right in the heart of Texas

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2023:

Wasn't so much the punching as it was the pissing....

I just want peace!!! I don't pray either!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

Nope it is the dating apps... And as for that picture from the 70s all I can say is those haircuts make the weird shit some people wear today look conservative by comparison...

He didn't answer

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

Don't loan him the weedwacker...

I hope Deidre will help him.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

Maybe he should have asked his wife to help....

The goal is to make it human-like.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

Needs to be programmed to chase after dogs and piss on them....

Even for the Satan

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

I wasn't aware the Devil does porn...

Ladies eat free!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

I bought a bunch of mantis eggs a while back for my yard and now they have taken over the yards around me as well...I should probably buy some more next year as the cutworms and crickets are starting to come back.

Texas Tinder

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

Log off and remove the app.... I don't like women who have had lobotomies...

Makes sense

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

There you go again Chuck.... This really Bores us....

Animal lovers going to an RSPCA convention ?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2023:

I would have loved to see them going through airport security wearing those shirts....